This is an exciting notice to all Case Western Reserve University students: It’s Homecoming Weekend!

Likely one of the most obscure American traditions that no one understands, we celebrate ‘coming home’ as alumni to our high schools and colleges. To celebrate coming home, we imbibe large amounts of alcohol (assuming we are 21), have a themed parade, and dance the night away – in various orders. Try explaining this to anyone other than an American and they will be dumbfounded. Although I think Homecoming is marginally fun, I think students at Case Western actively seek a way to make sure it’s as much work as possible.

For example: running for Homecoming King or Queen. Like any political contest, running for king or queen means buying people off. In the past week, I have come into possession of a tray of cookies, sunglasses with an advertisement, multiple buttons, a bag of Hershey kisses, a bag of mysterious looking jelly beans, frightening paper advertisements, and an unreasonable amount of Facebook invitations to vote every human being as king or queen.

In typical Case fashion, the hopeful kings and queens actually create an obscene amount of busy work for themselves. For that matter, they create work for me because of their endless Facebook nagging. In reality, these people get shafted for their political advertisement. They get invited to be on the football field for the lower-than-capacity football game crowd, the homecoming court names are announced, the winner is announced, they are rushed off the field, and they fall back into obscurity.

Can you name last year’s King and Queen?

I didn’t think so.

Of course, I hope you all went to the Powder Puff game last night – as I was reading up on the events this weekend I noticed this wasn’t just a tradition, it’s an emerging tradition. It’s currently in tradition limbo.

As a general announcement to all students (and as a huge pet peeve of mine), they will be closing Leutner so that you can eat the overpriced and under stocked lunch buffet. Of course, I’m only bitter because this happens more often than it should. Any time the University wants to inflate attendance it just forces the students to eat at a tent; and if you didn’t get your

pre-swiped meal voucher before the event, be ready to trek to the end of the universe to find one.

The only positive part of Homecoming Weekend is the cameo appearance by our educational savior – President Barbara ‘Babs’ Snyder. What would we have to look forward to if this dignitary didn’t make it in the parade? How could she explain her wind blown hair look but to blame it on the open top convertible?

From my soap box, I would like to announce to the few, humble alums reading my column this week that Homecoming is, in fact, not too interesting. Like any typical Case Western Homecoming weekend, the football team will win without much fanfare, the parade route will be lined by a total of ten people, and you will still find enough students studying in the library to supply a small army.