Worst Case Scenario: Productivity

Michael DiMauro, Chief Copy Editor

Hey everyone, it’s almost finals time. You know, the best week of your entire semester where it’s almost over and you’re studying all night (and not on Youtube finally learning how to Tango)! Funnily enough, it’s also a great time to start writing a newspaper column, because let’s face it, organic chemistry and all that other stuff will still be there when I get done. Unfortunately, many of us tend to get too caught up in the many distractions that pop up during finals week, so I’ve decided (with the help of my all-knowing sophomore brain) to help everyone else and give some helpful guidelines for what to avoid (and use as breaks!) while studying.

Obviously, the biggest deterrent on everyone’s list is the Internet. The Internet is awesome, and it has many great things. Trust me, no one likes playing Tetris Battle more than me (nor can they beat me at it). Unfortunately, I am not an engineer, so my finals don’t consist of stacking different blocks. I’m sure many of us also derive a lot of pleasure from watching cats slide on sleek floors into bowling pins. Regrettably, there aren’t usually any cats on my finals unless I draw them (poorly) myself. And for all the other men out there, I’m sure those pictures of naked women are quite…arousing…intellectually. But, unless you’re taking human sexual behavior here and need additional help with the diagrams, this won’t help you much more than short-term coping.

The other huge problem – if you’re lucky enough to have it – is a TV. It’s just another Tuesday night in your pre-med life, and suddenly you realize that “Grey’s Anatomy” will be on in 30 minutes. You instantly stop studying (getting ready for “Grey’s” takes a little while) and plant yourself in front of the TV. Now some of you – my roommate included – may argue that “Grey’s” is actually getting you ready for your luxurious and drama-filled career in medicine. It’s a sorry lesson, but your gloomy organic chemistry text will take you closer to medicine than “Grey’s” ever will.

And yet, for some of the cooler kids at CWRU, their problem generally lays on their bed. Sex is awesome (or so I’ve heard), and it shouldn’t be a priority over grades. But you do need to avoid oversleeping. It’ll make you more tired and lethargic than usual, which is bad.

It’s really important to take breaks too. All of the things above are awesome ways to help de-stress, and using them as rewards can actually keep you motivated (especially sex – get a partner and promise each other sex every time you finish a chapter of something, you’ll get A’s, I promise).

As for me? Well, I’m going to keep writing this column, and hopefully entertain you, by doing the same thing I do during my finals – bulls****ing my way through to the end. So just get through these last weeks and off to the summer you go!