The characters of CWRU

Un-sCWRU your lifestyle

Theresa Smetona

To put it lightly, Case Western Reserve University students are an eclectic group. Yet while it would be impossible to capture all the personalities that flavor our campus, there are several types that surface more frequently than the rest and deserve the attention of the remainder of this article. The ensuing descriptions are not meant to offend or pigeonhole, but due to the fact that CWRU students tend to walk around with their eyes glued to the sidewalk, a short introduction to the student population might be useful for informational purposes.

1) Male CWRU athlete/male who works out a lot.
Generally is accompanied by another male athlete or gym junkie. Walks with a distinguishing swagger that results from being proud of having muscles, which, to be fair, is not the norm on this campus. Common topics of conversation may include: number of reps executed while doing bench press, the need to rage and the dearth of attractive girls on this campus. However, they are not to be dismissed as typical or obnoxious jocks, because under all their muscle they generally have soft hearts and impressive GPA’s.

2) Hipster, aspiring hipster or hipster in denial.
The differences between the three are sometimes hard to distinguish. The male variety is easier to spot, and in contrast to the athlete described above, is often slender, has a Euro haircut and wears tight-fitting pants finished off with carefully chosen shoes or boots that are neither athletically oriented nor Timberlands. Hipsters, and closely related non-hipsters, may be found coolly sipping a cup of hot tea in Algebra Teahouse, listening to indie music or strongly endorsing political or social movements. They are an intriguing bunch and deserve a pat on the back, if only for being better dressed than the majority of campus.

3) Males with somewhat wild looking beards who carry walking sticks.
You know what I mean.

4) Peppy sorority girl.
(This is not in any way to suggest that all sorority members are peppy.) She may be wearing a bow in her hair, and her book-bag is sure to be decorated with buttons supporting various philanthropies and organizations. On a rainy day, she will probably wear bright, adorable rainboots that alternately make you feel happy, jealous and disgusted.

5) Tense pre-meds obsessed with their pre-med status.
Despite the fact that they are always busy and stressed out by their incredibly challenging course load, they are always looking to run for a leadership position in any of the 16 organizations they belong to. If you would like to have a conversation with one of these about something other than GPAs, research positions, the MCAT or other pre-meds’ stats and resumes, forget it.

6) Girl in tears in KSL.
The duration and violence of the crying varies. Her hair is disheveled and she probably hasn’t showered in days, but unlike some who glory in their filth, she loathes her current condition and curses the unsolvable homework set that has led to her demise. Around midterms and finals, this type multiplies at an alarming rate.

7) Token student running frantically.
Interestingly, these sprints generally occur at off times like Sunday afternoons, and often the runner doesn’t seem to be headed toward a concrete destination. Regardless, it is refreshing to see someone engaging in exercise, even if it is unintentional.

8) Token girl with umbrella.
An umbrella is always necessary. In rain or snow, an umbrella keeps you safe and dry. Cloudy skies in Cleveland, or for that matter, blue skies in Cleveland, don’t mean that a downpour isn’t imminent; thus, by carrying an umbrella in non-inclement weather, you recognize the capricious authority of the sky, and potentially avoid a retaliatory burst of apocalyptic weather. It’s about covering your bases.

In violent winds, an umbrella gives you a chance to practice flying, and when it inevitably turns inside out, the struggle provides you with some much needed excitement. When the sun is shining, an umbrella shades you from dangerous UVA rays and helps to prevent sunburn. Finally, an umbrella shields you from judgmental stares or unwanted contact with strangers. The world is a scary place, look out for yourself and carry an umbrella.

Theresa Smetona is a senior majoring in Spanish and English. In her free time, she likes to drink coffee and consider the possible benefits of her future unemployment.